So Much For Trying Hard

I smell of alcohol and nicotine; and the taste of the cough syrup lingers on my tongue.
I don’t want to go on and do another stupid thing. I want to block the voice of my self-injurious demon out of my head.
Or else I would have to feel the horrible – and heavenly at the same time – yet familiar feeling of pain on my wrists.
We never change, do we?
Hah.
And I thought I was getting better at this game we call life.
Or maybe I was getting better, and here I am tripping down from the thing we call relapse.
Can I really call this a relapse, when I never really got better?
But to be fair, I did get better. Just minimally. Or moderately, I don’t know anymore.
All I know is that it has been one hell of a roller coaster of a ride.

And I’m about to throw up.

 

-CL

Feb09’16

02092016
12:53 am

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One thought on “So Much For Trying Hard

  1. Sending you a bit hug! You are right, by the way – from what I have read, it seems it GOT better. It won’t feel like that, becaues the depression is so familiar, but it will get better.

    Hope you’re okay today again. Big hug! You’ll make it.

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