It’s been so long since I last posted on my blog and now I don’t even know what to write about anymore.
I’m pretty certain a lot has happened since my last blog post, but at the same time I feel like nothing happened at all. It’s weird.
So I guess, first off, I would like to apologize for not being able to post anything these past few months. More importantly, I am sorry for making some of you worry. I know that you worry about me not really being stable, and for that, I am really really sorry.
So, how about this? I promise not to do stupid, life-threatening things. I know it’s not much, but I like to keep my promises. I guess it’s one of the only few things I’m good at. Hah.
With that aside, I now would like to talk about why I haven’t posted in a while.
I have nothing to write about, I have no reason to write, it seemed.
Actually, that’s not true. I have a few things I like to talk about, to write about, to think about.
But that’s the thing, I can’t get them out of my mind.
Every time I try to write them down, they just turn into one big jumbled mess.
Either there were too many thoughts going through my head at a time, or there are too little. Either way, I couldn’t focus on a single topic long enough to put them into words. I’d write about one idea, and then I’d suddenly think of another one.
Whenever I manage to write one thought down, all the others vanish in thin air. I forget about all the rest. Which was frustrating.
What made it worse was the fact that I’m the type of writer that likes to put many details on my writings. Too many details, in my opinion. I want to write down even the useless things connected to a certain thought or idea.
I think that was also one of the reasons why I was never quite able to document my everyday life. I’d write down every event that happened on a certain day, down to how long (down to minutes) I had to do what. What I wore that day. What everyone wore that day. What the weather was. How many times someone did what.
Couple my love for details with my hate for re-writing/re-reading things, and you get a very frustrated Kat.
And then, sometimes, in the middle of writing, I suddenly get lost. Like, all my thoughts, like bubbles, disappear.
For instance, I no longer know what the point of this particular point is. I’m fairly certain it has something to do with me feeling empty. Or maybe that was just me feeling everything all at once and I just couldn’t see through the haze of my thoughts.
Oh, gosh. I think this particular writing is turning into just random words hastily put together by a troubled soul. I imagined this one to be a sort of an apology, a story to fill you in with my life, a list of plans. However, I don’t know what this turned out to be.
I’m going to end this right here. I will not re-write this one tonight (maybe next time). So, sorry for all the errors and typos I have made in this piece.
Until the next time,
P.S. What do you suggest I do, for me to get back at writing once again? Having nothing to do but think (and think… and think..) is slowly driving me insane; and I’m already messed up as I am. So, any tips?