How time flies and minds change

Okay. Am I really supposed to change my mind this fast? One moment I badly want things to end already; then another all I can see are rainbows and unicorns.

This is confusing and… confusing.

I don’t know where and when to settle. I thought this was better, than those moments when I couldn’t see the light no matter how hard I tried (I’m talking about those times when I couldn’t seem to have a break from being so down).

In retrospect, however, maybe this really is better. At least when I feel (relatively) elated, I am able to do the things humans ought to do. Like taking a bath, for example. And getting out of bed. And attending jobs, and school. And talking to other people. And eating.

It just… I don’t know, sucks? It sucks when you’re on that happy mood and then you just feel the sadness, the despair, from just around the corner, coming for your soul. You could feel that brief happiness being slowly and painfully sucked away from you. You know what I mean? And the worst part is, no matter how hard you try to at least save some of the happiness for you to survive the ‘long winter,’ so to speak, you feel it slipping from your hands, like sand.

I just read the whole thing again and I can’t help but laugh. Somehow I managed to forget the point of this post. Silly me.

Maybe all I want to say is that, life really is hard. It’s true for me, certainly. But because right now I’m seeing a murky light from under the water where I am stuck, I’m going to say that there is still hope for me; there’s still hope for us all.

Just hang on a little bit longer to your floaters.

-KP
Dec06’14

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3 thoughts on “How time flies and minds change

  1. You put this beautifully. I once wrote a text similar to this one, but essentially, the text comes to the same conclusion.

    It’s really, really good that you are already experiencing a good phase now. “Good phase” is how it is normally, even though depression feels so real. Recovering means that these “happy phases” (which means, that you started to heal) will get longer and longer and you will be able to gain more and more strength from them. Enjoy this and feed the happy feeling! Sleep well and gather strength for your recovery.

    Plus this: Save this text somewhere! The next time you fall really deep and think you’ll never be appy again, read this text and remember that the good came after the bad.

    Think of what Oscar Wilde said: “Everything is going to be fine in the end.
    If it’s not fine it’s not the end.”

    I have come to believe that.

  2. Up & down. Dark & light. This is the way it goes so often, and the seasons do have an influence. Hope you can appreciate the good days or good moments and keep your focus on the present rather than what may be coming.
    I’m experiencing some lightness the last two days and hoping it lasts. Welcome relief after weeks of struggle again. Learning some new ways of thinking and new coping techniques has helped me.
    Take care.

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