Getting tired.

I’m tired of writing.

Writing about my life, that is. I can only write so much about the state my brain is in.

It’s not like my life’s improving; no. If anything, I still feel like my life’s being sucked out of me, ever so slowly.

So aside from my inevitable failure at living my life, what is there to write about?

Nothing, really.

I’m coming to a point where I roll my eyes just at the thought of visiting this site; not because I don’t like reading whatever it is that others have to say, but because I feel like I would just ruin everyone’s (or at least those who are reading my posts) day/night. Or that I’d bore the hell out of them.

Most of my posts are about my depression and anxiety. And loneliness. I can’t write about other things going on in my life, because there’s nothing going on except for those three I’ve mentioned. I’m reduced to a mere human being with nothing but mental illness(es). I don’t know though if that’s just the depression in me talking.

Oh, the joy.

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5 thoughts on “Getting tired.

  1. I know that this is a place for you to write about your life, but try something new. I have started using Word Presses Daily Prompt… I still usually try to relate it back to a mental health issue (in a more positive aspect if I can), but they are fun little prompts that give a new idea. Like what is the weirdest combination of food you have ever eaten, or when did you judge someone you shoudnt have, etc. Just things that you normally wouldn’t think about writing about. Or there are even books and internet posts that give random prompts to write about that are completely off the wall – and super creative. They just get you out of your mind. I know it is really hard to do when you are depressed and feel like shit. But maybe just try to take a look at it and see if anything comes to you that day. I found that changing the subject to a less serious topic has helped me a bit.

  2. Don’t beat yourself up. I know it feels like you consist of only the depression, that there is nothing else inside you, nothing else that defines you, nothing that is left except that. The depression does this. It is part of the illness.

    You are not weak and you are not a failure. I know that it feels like you are; that everyone else is happy and “manages” and only you are the one that’s too weak, too fragile, too broken, too wrong to “deal with it”.

    You are not.

    You are not broken. You are not weak. You are not a failure. You are depressive and the depression does that.

    There is more in you than just the depression. You said that you started crocheting – you could write a few sentences about that, if you like. You don’t have to write for a while if you find that writing makes you feel bad or obsess about it more.

    There is a time for dealing with stuff and managing things.
    There is also a time for surviving.

    Now is a time for surviving. Seek help and survive. You are a fighter. You do not give up, every day that you live is a battle won. You are brave. You are stronger than you might know.

    There are two things important now. Eat and sleep. Feed your body and let it rest. If you cannot sleep, try to rest for a while. Don’t expect too much. Don’t beat yourself up.

    I wish I could help you and I wish I could give you a hug or just sit by your side since you don’t like physical contact now. I wish I could tell you that in person.

    But let me tell you that you are not alone and you are not weak and that you are not a loser or whatever the depression tells you.

    You are loved. Always.

    I wish you a little peace of mind and heart. All the best. You’ll get out of this. It will not last forever and you can become happy again.

    P.S.: I think you are a really good writer.

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