Just a question which I hope would be answered by some of you

I don’t want to be hugged. All I can think of when I think about being hugged is ‘ew’, not because I’m grossed out by it, but because I don’t know how to respond to it. I guess my more appropriate response to a hug (if you ask me) would be “please don’t touch me. I love you and all but please don’t hug me.”

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Now the problem is this:

I don’t know why I react to hugs (or any form of physical contact for that matter) this way. Hugs are nice, really, especially when it comes from the right person. I would give a hug to anyone who would ask for it. I return it when I’m given one. But I always tense up before (yes), during, and after giving and receiving hugs.

A few weeks ago, I met with my friend whom I hadn’t seen in months. She loving to give out hugs, well, embraced me in one (or two, counting the one she gave me when we parted). Naturally, I returned it. I received a few hugs that day, because it was a mini-reunion of sorts.

I was fine that day, really.

But when I got home, and started recalling that day’s events, and remembering all the hugs, I just… I don’t know. My skin started to crawl. I felt like ripping my own skin apart. I kept chanting “no,” “don’t”, and “stop” in my head. While I didn’t freak out, my mind certainly went crazy (for lack of a better word) that night.

It’s not that I don’t like those people. They’re my friends, for freak’s sake.

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But… the idea of them hugging me, actually the idea of anyone hugging me, just gives me the creeps.

Does any of you experience the same thing? Should I add it to the list of things I’m going to tell the mental health professional (if I ever go talk to one)? Should I tell my friends about this so we could come up with a compromise? Would they understand my situation, even if I don’t quite understand it myself?

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Oh well. More questions yet to be answered. Yay.

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9 thoughts on “Just a question which I hope would be answered by some of you

  1. I think it’s perfectly normal not to like hugs. Haha. To each his own right? I mean, I’m not fond of beso-ing people and when someone I’m not really close with does it to me I feel super uncomfortable! Maybe if you feel fine telling them then maybe you should go tell them. Or maybe it was just that day because you hugged a lot of people so you were feeling a bit OC? Haha!

  2. Tell your friends gently. I’m sure you’ll find a compromise. Maybe you can just press your palms of your hands together if that is bearable, or the fingertips. It can be that this is too much if you’re depressed right now and emotions are usually bad and disturbing. Tell your therapist if you see him/her, it won’t hurt. Accept it now, don’t fret over it. All the best …

    • I’d definitely tell the psych, if I ever find one. And I don’t know about telling my friends. Someday, I might just tell them. Today’s not that day. Haha. Thank you! πŸ™‚

  3. Glad you’re back! I like the new blog look, too. I am also not great about hugs. Others seem to initiate them without a care, but I always feel awkward, like “Is it going to seem weird if I lean in for a hug? Is that too intimate?” And then I worry that they think I’m “cold.” I think my dad’s side of the family was not very affectionate, so I’m going to blame it on them! Maybe you can blame yours on some relatives, too! πŸ™‚

    • My parents and siblings too are not fond of hugs, I observed. Haha. I do that too! And whenever I’m done asking myself about the importance of hugs, either the opportunity is gone or the other person already put me in an embrace. It’s really awkward and not at all a fun experience (at least for me)

  4. Hello, my name’s Tricia and I’ve come to you via Peter’s blog. My most treasured friend does not like to be hugged. We met almost 40 years ago and I can still remember feeling her stiffen the first time I hugged her. I’m one of life’s huggers, but I said to her “You’re not too fond of being hugged are you?”. We agreed that I would hug her once a year on her birthday. πŸ™‚ Over the years we’ve joked about it, but I still respect her personal space, and when I give her a birthday hug it’s a very gentle, non invasive hug.

    My friend hates going to large gatherings – weddings, parties, funerals – because she knows there’ll be lots of hugging and kissing. She puts it down to the fact there was no hugging in her family when she was a child, so she made a point of hugging her now adult son as he was growing up, and he is a very affectionate young man. I don’t know why some of us are huggers and some not, but I do believe one can feel the discomfort of someone who doesn’t like to be touched and they should respect that. We’re all individuals and I don’t believe there’s a right/wrong on this issue, it’s just who each person is. I’m not sure if this is a nature or a nurture thing, but I do know you’re not alone in how you feel.

    I enjoy the writing of those who are authentic and look forward to exploring your blog. I’ve limited energy so I may not always comment, only if I feel I have something worth sharing.
    Bye for now

    • Thank you for taking time to read and comment on my post. Thank you most especially for giving such an insight.
      I actually like to think it’s because we don’t hug each other on my family. And also maybe because I’m an introvert. πŸ™‚

      Again, thank you! πŸ™‚

      -K

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