It’s not happiness I am struggling to find, it’s purpose.
And I want that purpose to have a meaning.
I want to have a purpose in life that means something to me.
After days of moping around, not getting out of bed, not checking email (which I highly regret), not talking to any of my friends, and just watching Community and One Piece, I came up with this realization.
I don’t know if this realization made my life more complicated than it already was, but I think I’m near the point of not caring anymore. And, admittedly, it’s really scary to be in this place, because while I think I would lose nothing, I know it couldn’t be farther than the truth. If I ever go past the point of caring, I know that I would lose everything, including my life (or what’s left of it). I would lose my chance of getting back up again.
It would all be over.
So while I’m still concerned about my well-being (especially my mental health), I want to be able to find my purpose in life. Hard as it may seem, only I could know what that purpose is.
Maybe with that meaningful purpose, I could defeat this depression (and by extension, anxiety).
I have to get by for now.
How exactly I am going to do that, I have no idea.