On giving comments

I seldom comment on another blogger’s post, even though I’m often itching to do so.
I often ask myself why (because no one else is wondering) I do (or not do) it.

Sometimes, I see a personal (or whatever) post and want to comment on it. But before I even get the chance to formulate a decent comment, thoughts like the following flood my mind immediately:

  • you might offend them!!
  • your opinion is unsolicited so it’s better for you to shut up
  • you’re not making them feel better (i.e. when the post is about one’s problems)
  • your opinion is irrelevant. You’re irrelevant
  • the least I can do is offer them sup-
  • no! You might make them feel worse about themselves!
  • …. (I don’t have the right words to say)
  • They might take my words the wrong way
  • No. Just no. Shut up, self.

I do reply on comments (sometimes), because I do have something to say on the matter. Or sometimes it’s just out of courtesy.

There are also times when  it’s the other blogger I don’t want to comment on my posts. It’s not because I don’t want to hear what they have to say about the post at hand. I do love hearing from people, actually.

It’s the fact that I have to respond to those comments. Because well, I really can’t find the right words to say.

I don’t know what to say about what they have to say.

But I always feel like I have to reply to every single comment I receive on  my posts, even if it’s just a smiley.

But I feel awkward, the same way I feel awkward (and anxious) when I give a comment on a blogger’s blog post.

So I end up just liking their post.

 

For a day now I’ve been annoyed at myself for not being able to give support to a fellow blogger who seemed to be having a rough time (because what if I don’t help them at all?).

 

So to you, fellow blogger:

Stay strong. You’ll get through this. Just hang on.

No, that’s not all I want to tell you. There are things. But I don’t know how to tell you these things that I want you to hear, and understand. So I’m sorry for keeping quiet instead of reaching out to you.

All I can do is hope for whatever you’re hoping for.

 

-KP

Jul05’14

 

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12 thoughts on “On giving comments

  1. I understand where you’re coming from. I’m still new to blogging, so I’m often unsure of what to say. I wonder if I will come across as patronising or trite. And it certainly seems inappropriate to “like” a post when someone has shared deeply personal thoughts. Having said that, I think people often get reassurance or comfort from knowing that others have read their words. I think you have to go with thinking that “liking” a post shows some empathy. I only follow a few bloggers, and generally comment on only some of these. That feels a bit more real and connected. It seems to be okay to reply to a comment with a simple “thanks” and a smiley face. Actually, can you help me on that one? Where the heck is the smiley face icon????

    • All you say is true.
      Google “wordpress smileys” or something similar. They are generic used by many websites and forums (but different to the facebook versions). Briefly, you make them up with keyboard characters, for example I type in colon minus-sign right-bracket (those three characters in sequence without any spaces) gives the standard smiley like this 🙂
      Change the colon to a semi-colon and the smiley has a winking eye. Or use a colon then capital-D for a big cheery grin 😀

      To understand them tilt your head to the left as you type them in and with a little imagination you will see how the “faces” look made up of the normal characters. Your internet browser then translates them into the actually little faces as it translates all the html to display the page on your screen.

      • 🙂 And it’s fine! I just appreciate the acknowledgement that you’ve enjoyed something I’ve written.

  2. Hey, I completely get what you say. It gets really confusing about what to say or reply and having self negative thoughts does complicate the situation even more. Been there.

    If I may offer a suggestion, ignore or shut out the negative self – I hope you understand that it is not helping you at all in these circumstances so it’s ok and safe to put it away for a time. Next, speak your truth from your heart – like you did in the last couple paragraphs above. Your honest truth will always communicate your heart’s message, often in ways that were unplanned and unexpected. Even if your heart’s truth is that you aren’t sure what to say, exactly like you did above, that is from the heart and that message will be appreciated – you did it!

    So relax a little and just say what you can and when you can. Just what weebluebirdie said above, as I agree, a “like” on a post is like a nod of the head saying “I read your words and I hear you, I know what you are talking about”. A like can mean that much, or less, but it is a good simple way of connecting with other writers. Sometimes a like from me means “I read your words, I don’t quite get what you say at the moment, but I honour your ability to express yourself that way”.

    TL:DR (the Too Long, Didn’t Read, version) relax, just say what you feel at the time, it will all work out in the end. Speaking up is better than holding it in.

    Take care ((hugs))

      • You are welcome.
        And your response was just great, communicating to me how you feel, even if you think words are not available to you right now.
        Just take these words to heart, file them away in your mind and let them come out to remind you again when you need it. Give yourself a chance to say how you feel, it’s okay to speak up, to express who you are, and it’s pretty safe to do so around here. 😀 Take care of yourself.

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