What Changed?

I used to smile

At small good things

But what changed?

 

Well I still smile, I do,

Only now I use it as a mask

To hide what I really feel.

 

I used to listen to music

To block the outside world

But what changed?

 

Well I still listen to music, I do,

Only now I’m using it

To drown out my own thoughts.

 

I used to run on

Playgrounds with my friends

But what changed?

 

Well I still run, I do

Only now I’m running away

From the demons in my head.

 

I used to cut papers

Into shapes and letters

But what changed?

 

Well I still cut, I do,

Only now I’m cutting myself

Into broken pieces and a shattered soul.

 

I used to live my life

Happily and contentedly

But what changed?

 

Well I still live, I do

Or maybe I’m just existing

And not really living at all.

 

-CL

Jun28’14

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “What Changed?

  1. My answer to “but what changed?” is to myself and it is that things changed inside my brain, for the negative.
    And it is possible to do something about that, as I am working on it right now through my anxiety depression and generally uncomfortable feelings. But no matter what I think/feel I know that I am working forwards for a better future through the assistance of others and the persistence of myself.
    I hope that means something to you too. If it doesn’t, that’s ok, I just want to encourage you to keep focussing on the moment right now to make even one step forwards. Progress, little by little even though you may not see it being in the middle of it all.

      • I forgot to say, I feel this poem, as a part of myself too, thankyou for writing.
        We are all struggling in some way. Some much more than others. Some obviously, some silently. But we can still support those around us. In turning inward, I not only hinder myself, I hinder my ability to give meaning to others. This is my latest focus, to assist moving me forwards one step at a time.
        I understand that you find focus so hard sometimes. That’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up about anything, I can tell you from my own experience that doing so is not the way forwards. Just think about getting somewhere, anywhere, one day, and let that idea guide you in some way. It is so hard when you struggle and I just want to say Many of us share your pain, you are not alone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s