this is really frustrating, doing nothing.

I sometimes wonder why, despite knowing what to do to get my life in order, I still haven’t moved a single muscle to do it.

I know I need to stop taking those pills, but I still end up misusing and abusing them.

I know that there’s nothing to worry about during the night, yet I keep waiting for the sun to rise before I’m finally going to sleep (but hey, I really don’t know what’s up with this recent issue).

I know I need to get ready for upcoming school year, but somehow, I still have those excape behaviors despite avoiding my work for six months now. This is actually my biggest problem at the moment. Because, if I don’t do well at school I still wouldn’t be able to graduate; and screw it, I already wasted a year off of my college life being depressed. I don’t want to have suicidal thoughts again just because I can’t take the pressure from school.

I know I need to consult a mental health professional. I’m doing nothing about it, and I don’t know why! I obviously need help from a professional, but somehow I delay going to one.

 

My mind is full of questions and pending tasks to do, but I don’t have the answers to these questions nor the motivation (is it motivation? I don’t freakin’ know) to do the tasks.

 

-KP

Jun20’14

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4 thoughts on “this is really frustrating, doing nothing.

  1. Get a camera. Get some film. Give yourself a project. Today, I am only going to take pictures of things that are red or things that are round. Put the mental energy into something creative. My two cents.

  2. Hi Somnolent Potato!
    Your post gave me flash back to my Spring semester of college. My depression took over my life and I had to take a medical leave of absence and get treated for my depression. I understand how you feel when you say you are putting seeing a professional on hold I can completely relate. I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 13. I refused to take medication and seek help. So I pretend to go through the last couple of year as if I did not have a problem when I really did. All of sudden I collapsed and broke down. I just wasted my spring junior year in a hospital and did not complete the semester. I understand how you feel. I feel like I wasted a semester because my depression took over my life. I lost my friends and everything that was important to me in college due to my major depression disorder. I am recovering however I still feel depressed at times while on medications and seeing a therapist. Try to get help everything will get better. It’s not going to happen over night , just take it one day at time. All the best, Phoenix42013

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