I felt like I needed to do this right this instant because I’m trying to distract myself from cutting. The blades are there on my bed and I’m really really really itching to grab them and just get on with it. I’m also listening to a really loud music right now, just to drown out my unkind thoughts. I really need them to shut up.
I have a few (or many) things I want to do before I return to dust. Here are some of them:
1. Learn to play the piano (like, really play beautifully)
2. Learn how to play the violin
3. Own a ukulele
4. Own at least 15 film cameras (that are functional, of course)
5. Graduate from college (which I should have done April this year. but things happened and are still happening, so)
6. Learn German, French, Swedish Language (what is it called?), Korean, Ilocano (a Filipino Language), and Latin.
7. Produce even just one beautiful (in all aspects) photograph
8. Write a song, or songs (I already made one!!).
9. Write a novel (I’m starting on one)
10. Meet my soulmate, I guess.
11. Send my siblings to school.
12. Serve the Filipino People.
13. Take care of my parents.
14. Process my own film.
15. Write poems
16. Beat this freakin’ depression and anxiety
17. Lose weight. Nevermind being fit and healthy, I just want to lose weight
18. Get a job that pays well (how am I supposed to support my parents and siblings?)
19. Have a typewriter (or at least have my typewriter fixed)
20. Learn how to ride a skateboard.
21. Have a nice digital SLR camera.
22. Tell my friends and family about my depression and anxiety, and make them understand.
23. See gender equality. and feel it.
24. Travel around the country.
25. Travel around the world. With the love of my life (if there’s one).
26. Meet my online friend from Sweden.
There. Now I’m somewhat calm. At least now I can put away those blades.