Innocent Friends

I sometimes think that it’s nice to have friends who do not know what you’re going through. Because then you don’t have to worry about them worrying about you.

Does that make sense?

Tonight I was able to meet with my high school friends (sans the one friend who knew about my unstable emotions). I was happy to see them, And I think they’re happy to see me, too.

When I’m with them (and with other friends as well), I kind of forget about my own issues, and instead focus on theirs.

I just thought, that maybe, that’s one of the reasons why I don’t tell them what’s bothering me; what has been bothering me for the last three years and a half.

But I guess, it’s fine. That I don’t tell them anything about what I’m going through.

Who am I to wipe their smiles off their faces?

I like to think that not telling them is the right thing to do, and is the unselfish thing to do, since by not telling them, they get to stay in their bubble of happiness. They don’t get to worry about me.

And as for me?

Well, I’d be by their side. I might be suffering, and being sad for myself. But I’m happy for them. I’ll always be happy for them.

 

Jun11’14

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7 thoughts on “Innocent Friends

  1. I see where you’re coming from. I’ve felt that way, too… But recently I found out that someone close to me was experiencing depression, and she told me she thought she was going crazy. That’s when I confessed that I suffer from it, too, and no, she wasn’t crazy! I think she felt better after talking to me about it and realizing that what she suffers from is really common. And you know what? I felt better after talking to her because I felt like, well, at least this depression of mine has a purpose sometimes. At least I can relate to others who have it. So, you might not be doing your friends any favors by keeping your (inner) self from them — they might appreciate knowing what’s bothering you. And if they do want to help you, well, that’s something that’ll make them feel better, too!

    • I’m really happy that you got to help your friend, and help yourself as well in return. πŸ™‚

      I’m actually contemplating on telling other people, one at a time. I did it with a friend once, and it was an embarrassing (because of the stigma), terrifying, but at the same time gratifying experience. I don’t know if I can handle going through that again. But then again, if it’s going to be for the better, it’ll be worth experiencing those feelings again.

  2. I have opened up to a few friends – and lost a few friends. And while I recently heard they weren’t my real friends – well… they were friends at one time and now things are weird. It’s not like we’re contagious, but our moods can certainly affect others. Not horrible to keep it to yourself with a group of people – it’s SO good to have the opportunity to escape the disorder if you can or at least feel like you’re escaping.

    There has been no better feeling for me than when I started attending a DBSA support group – it’s interesting sometimes because family members who have loved ones with a mood disorder are there… (often times they are FREAKING OUT and upset way more than us mood disorder comrades) and so they’re trying to understand – meanwhile, we mood disorder folk are getting to understand we’re not alone… talk about a major issue that’s fairly universal (like… how do you cope when things seem hopeless) and can feel somewhat helpful to a family member by helping them understand what it is like on our side. Part of the reason it’s great is that not only are you getting support from fellow comrades in the trenches, but you have the opportunity to ask a non-related person about what it’s like for them knowing… and learn about some coping skills for third parties etc… without it being your family or friend who will either get scared and clam up or lie or be just awkward.

    Keep journeying. Love your blog! I can relate tremendously.

    • Awkward! the word I was looking for!!

      Thank you for your insight. I might look into joining a group session sooner or later (might be later on, but I’m trying my best to just turn up).

      And thank you, for appreciating my blog. πŸ™‚

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