No Sleep

Great. Now I’m afraid of going to sleep. It seems like my mind doesn’t want to, even when my body tells me otherwise.

It seems that I’m afraid not of the probability of having a nightmare, but of not being on alert in case a bad thing (i.e. burglary, health emergency, fire, and even freaking dark supernatural activities!!!) happens.

I think it’s somewhat logical worrying about those scenarios happening, considering you can’t really protect yourself from these things if your sound asleep. But dark supernatural activities, really?!?!?!? I feel like if I close my eyes, ghosts and other dark entities will strangle me (or other equally bad things) to me. What am I, a child to still believe in these things?

Given this predicament, I seem to have come up with a solution (a bad one at that): It’s either I sleep before midnight, or I wait until the sun rises to finally be able to rest. Why? Because I feel somewhat (but not totally) safer during the day.

Why am I doing this? Why do I feel like I need to guard these other people sleeping soundly, while I tire myself out freaking out over things that may or may not happen?

Just why.

Is this some sort of an anxiety? Or perhaps, paranoia? Is this part of my depression, or a totally different issue?

And what am I going to do about it?

Why can’t my mind just let me sleep?


Oh, and it’s currently four past midnight. No good night sleep for me then.




3 thoughts on “No Sleep

  1. I have those nights. I had a lot of them right after my divorce a decade ago and I have them now when I have a big project at work or I am worrying about money or something. Seems the more I think about getting to sleep, the more frustrated I get and the harder it is to fall into slumber. Anxiety is amplified in the dark. And I watch the precious few hours I have to sleep tick off. The thing that works for me is to imagine a place of peace, either real or imagined. A time, a place that makes you feel secure, comfortable, serene. Once I send my mind to that place, I drift off. It works for me.

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