Now that I’m not feeling that sad as I used to be, I’m afraid of going to the doctor.
I’m afraid that I’m not experiencing most of the symptoms of depression (and anxiety), they might tell me that I’ve already recovered from it, or at least I’m on my way to recovery.
It’s not that I don’t want to recover. Getting better, winning against depression, is what I want (and need) the most. It’s just that right now, naturally I’d feel better, because I’m on break from school. I’m under a lot less stress than I was before. Of course I’d feel better.
But that’s the thing. It’s temporary. I know that once school starts again, feelings of despair, immense sadness, and other symptoms of depression will come back. It’s bound to happen. It always happens.
The thing I’m mostly afraid of are the suicidal thoughts.
Now that I think about it (again), I realize that having those thoughts of suicide really is scary.
I’m afraid that once school starts, I’d have them again, those suicidal ideations. I don’t know what I would do then.
Should I go to a mental health professional now?
I want to; I really do. But I don’t know what to expect from them. I don’t know what I want (and need) to hear from them. But mostly I’m afraid they’ll invalidate those symptoms of depression and anxiety, just because I’m feeling a little bit better now.
I know that’s unlikely to happen, but I don’t know. I really am anxious about seeing a doctor.