“Be gentle on yourself.” “Don’t beat up yourself about it.”
I have received messages like these from people (online and otherwise). They have their reasons for telling me to do so. I might have said (and done) some things that led them to believe that I, indeed, am beating myself up about some things.
I don’t think I am. In fact I think I’m being too gentle on myself.
I think that I’m letting myself relax too much.
I’m not doing enough. I’m not doing enough to be better; better in all aspects of my life.
I have no excuse for not doing enough. I always let myself break. I always let myself drown. I always let myself down.
I’m letting myself lose against some things: depression, anxiety, stress, laziness, and life itself.
Am I really worthy of a break? No. I’ve had enough breaks. Do I deserve good things? Probably, but I won’t have it if I don’t work for it.
Some people think I’m being harsh on myself.
I think I deserve it.