No Breaks Allowed

“Be gentle on yourself.” “Don’t beat up yourself about it.”

I have received messages like these from people (online and otherwise). They have their reasons for telling me to do so. I might have said (and done) some things that led them to believe that I, indeed, am beating myself up about some things.

I don’t think I am. In fact I think I’m being too gentle on myself.

I think that I’m letting myself relax too much.

I’m not doing enough. I’m not doing enough to be better; better in all aspects of my life.

I have no excuse for not doing enough. I always let myself break. I always let myself drown. I always let myself down.

I’m letting myself lose against some things: depression, anxiety, stress, laziness, and life itself.

Am I really worthy of a break? No. I’ve had enough breaks. Do I deserve good things? Probably, but I won’t have it if I don’t work for it.

Some people think I’m being harsh on myself.

I think I deserve it.

 

May26’14

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4 thoughts on “No Breaks Allowed

  1. Most times I feel like this. (ok, all the time.)
    But I think “letting” it happen would not be the correct word, since it implies that you actually want what’s happening to you.
    You are fighting against it happening… but sometimes we don’t have enough energy for this.
    Battling mental illness takes a lot of energy… maybe we do need a break once in a while.
    There are no enough breaks. If you need one, you need one. If you don’t get it… it could trigger depression and anxiety, maybe making it worse.
    I guess, taking a break is part of the fight.

    • Not that I want it to happen, but.. I guess I used it for lack of a better word? 🙂 I can’t actually think of any word to replace it with.
      And it does, indeed, take a lot of our energy. It also makes us see (just) the bad things (or mostly, at least).

      • Is there something besides bad things ? (joking ;] )
        I guess I’ve used “I’m letting this happen to me” a lot of times, now that I think about it.

        Also, thanks for this post.
        I needed to read that someone feels the same way. (Recently I was told I “deserved” better… and, of course, in no way I agree.)

      • Yeah, haha.
        My pleasure. I’d like to thank you as well for taking time to read it and for leaving a comment. An insight aside my own is always welcome. 🙂
        Thank you!

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