I’ve gone crazy. I just know it.
I’ve created a new identity for myself. Well not wholly a new identity, but I think I’ve gone overboard towards creating a pen name for myself.
So it started with coming up with a new pen name, as my pseudonym (AP) just became too risky for me to use in writing. Some people (read: nosy family members/friends) have already seen the name and started asking me questions about who this AP (see, I can’t even spell it fully right now, for fear of some people finding out about this blog) is.
That being said, I have come up with a new name, CL (can’t disclose the whole name. Really I’m not good at sharing; I should just die in a corner). I became obsessed with this new name, even so far as giving it a life apart from mine. It became an alter-ego of sorts, it’s just that I consider CL is a subset of a whole set, which is my real identity (KP, yes, my real name initials is KP).
This might be confusing, I know; I’m confused as well.
And to add to the swirling confusion, I’ve also made AP another alter-ego (or another subset) of mine. I don’t know what came over me; it’s just that I find it hard to just discard the name AP after a year or so of using it as my pen name.
To make things clearer (hopefully), let’s just say that CL is my passion for writing personified, while I’ve made AP another personification of my love of other things (I haven’t really decided yet). They’re both living in my head, but I sometimes let them play around in the real world (reading this, personally, I’m becoming more and more scared for my sanity).
I even bought a pen and had CL’s name inscribed on it. I would have done the same with AP, only I can’t take risks of it getting to other people’s hands. At least with CL I can always lie about her/him (yep, CL has no gender) being a classmate; or having bought the pen from an antique store. They’ll believe me, I’m sure. I’ll make sure of it.
This really is confusing, and headache inducing. But who cares, really, whether I take on different personalities or not?
I’ll just have fun while this lasts, I guess. And make the most out of it by letting my imagination and creativity (if I ever have one) run wild and free.
Who knows, maybe sometime I’d let CL write on this blog.