Tired

I guess I really am just tired.

I’m tired of going to school, tired of studying about things that I’m not really into. So in a way I’m not really learning and just wasting my time.

I’m tired of facing people, yet at the same time tired of not meeting people. I’m tired of not being alone but feeling very lonely. I guess I can say I’m in the wrong company of people. It’s either that, or there’s just a missing person in my life. I’m going for the latter. Because, to be honest, to be really, and be brutally truthful, I want someone to love me, and for that someone to let me love her in return. But where is she now?

I’m tired of this anxiety, this sadness, that’s eating away at my soul. I’m tired of being calm at one moment and being devastated the next. At least I’m not happy. Can’t be. I don’t want to feel sad and happy simultaneously. I don’t think I can handle that. It’s better this way, really, at least the shift of my emotions is not that extreme.

And lastly, I’m just tired of being tired.

I’m tired of living.

If only I could do something about it, I’d do so willingly. I mean, I did contemplate committing suicide back then; but now, I don’t know what to do anymore. I think it’s worse, not knowing anymore. Because back then, at least I had a plan, bad as it was.

Can someone actually help me in this situation? But then, I don’t know if this could be a ground for me to start seeking professional help.

So at least, can someone explain to me this I’m going through?

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