What now.

Why can’t I do something right for once.

This is pretty tiring, really.

You start the day waking up to a beautiful day (or whatever time of the day. you maybe a night owl or something), planning ahead on how to spend the day hoping to be productive, doing something wrong before even getting out of bed, realizing you’re a worthless piece of shit, not doing anything good in the process, or worse, doing something horrible that would make your day worse, and ending your day realizing that you, a brainless human being, is just a waste of space. And air. And food. So thinking about it, you realize you really are a worthless human. Thinking about it more and more, you could not start thinking on how to make things right, possibly because you don’t even know when and where you went wrong, exactly, or you really just don’t know what to do next. You’re clueless. You’re clueless, stupid, and worthless. , You end the day, lying on the bed, thinking where it went wrong. Or who. Or when. Or what, even. Your head would start to hurt.

Way to end a day, right?

The same insane thing happens everyday, unnoticed at first, until it comes down and bites you hard in the ass. Those headaches would be the thing you’d crave most, just so you won’t have to direct your attention to the dull pain in your chest.

That dull pain, that starts out as a skip of the heartbeat, to a full-blown feeling of sadness, anger, anxiety, paranoia, and emptiness (you wouldn’t even know how all of those could be felt at once) starting to eat you from the inside out, trying to see the glimpse of sunlight itself, trying to control your inner being, trying to be you.

You’d feel that this needs to be driven out of your chest before it starts ripping your chest in and out.

So you do what you do best: doing the wrong things.

drowning out pills, drinking way too much alcohol, cutting, and whatnot, wishing you had not existed at all, if your life would only be this way.

And then you sleep. Because you’re tired.

And then repeat the same cycle again.

Right. I really do hope I sleep soundly tonight.


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